I am in an abusive relationship with my cat. That he contributes nothing to the household except his presence is a given. He wants to be left alone to do his own thing for most of the day. When he wants attention, though, he wants it now and he wants it on his terms, or he will crap on the floor. He wants attention at odd hours, usually when I would prefer to be sleeping.
Given the chance, he will gorge himself to the point of vomiting. I get to clean that up too.