The way MMOs are you need to fulfil players expectations. It doesn’t matter what you want, you need to have the approved build down to the T for your class and for each specific raid or instance. Your only excuse not to is ignorance, which players forgive. I don’t know LOTR though, but I’m assuming that moria is a milestone by which you should have your act together.

It sucks, to be honest. It makes it like a job, especially endgame raiding. But thats the way any group content is.

Your problem started, and should have ended, there. I don’t play LOTRO but as an officer in a casual raiding guild in WoW, I empathize with the sort of position you were thrust into. However, part of your responsibility as raid leader is making sure that at least with respect to factors within your control, you have enabled the raid to succeed. Inviting a tank to an encounter he is clearly not ready for is setting up your raid for failure and frustration, as you and your kin-mates recognized before the raid even started.

Having invited him, and having wiped as a direct result of his inability to handle the encounter given his current gear/stats, you ought to have asked him to leave. You aren’t casting judgment on the person playing the character. You’re merely recognizing that the encounter requires a certain level of gear or stats that the character in question does not have. Rather than inconvenience the rest of your group in the vain hope that you would succeed despite someone who, through no fault of their own, could not pull their own weight, you ought to have asked him to leave; and failing that, kicked him if necessary.

Again though this shouldn’t have been a problem in the first place. If you want to succeed, make sure you raid members have the tools to make that possible. If not, no matter how good of a player they are, or how well coordinated you all work as a group, the encounters will be frustrating if not impossible. And that’s not fun for anyone.

Could have asked if he had any gear to switch, or traits to replace to correct the issue. If you felt kindhearted enough after that, and he responded decently well, you could try him out again, though maintanking with a PUG Guardian would have been really iffy indeed.

By the time you got into the ‘everyone in a foul bitchy mood looking for somebody else to blame’ stage, it’s too easy for self-fulfilled prophecy to come true.

Have to say that those who backed out of their opinion once you called a public vote were two-faced cowards though. I’d be very careful of their tendency to drama queen behind people’s back and then turn around and say “No, it wasn’t me” when confronted. :/

This reminds me why my own solo Guardian is perpetually annonymous. No time to grind traits, barely any decent equipment to speak of, not much practice holding aggro (though I do keep sword and board and relevant skills around). Don’t even dare walking into a PUG instance for fear of failing badly at main role, let alone dream of a raid. Sad. At least I recognize my character’s not geared up for any kind of group activity though. Wish there was a newbie tanks academy somewhere for those interested in learning the role.

You’re lead, he’s the weak link, remove as needed. Doing it with tact, politeness and some “well here’s what we see wrong” sort of advice puts the ball in their court. If he/she chooses to take it personally that’s their own fault, especially if you use some constructive criticism.

If the guy wants to tank raid bosses like that he has to at least be responsible enough to max out his core virtues. Far too many people rush to 60 now (as they’ve made it so damned easy) without taking the time to learn their class and flesh out their characters.

If his gear was in serious need of replacement he should have been focusing on the main instances (radiance or not, the Moria sets are pretty good), not Norn.

And being a good raid leader absolutely does entail telling folks exactly how and why they suck so that they can get better. It’s called “constructive criticism” when done well, and “being a prick” when handled poorly. But either way, it goes with the turf.