Macbeth, Fallen Earth Style

At Depot 66 I was involved in choosing which play the locals would put on. I chose Macbeth and since I picked it I decided to watch. It is now presented here in tl;dr text form (with spoilers?) in the best way I could put together using screen captures and some free OCR software.

Macbeth says: If it were done when ‘tis done, then ‘twere well It were done quickly.
Macbeth says: If the assassination could trample up the consequence, and catch with his turkeys success;
Macbeth says: That but this blow might be the be-all and the end-all here.
Macbeth says: But here, upon this bang and shoot of time, we’ld jump the life to come.
Macbeth says: But in these cases we still have judgment here;
Macbeth says: That we but teach bloody instructions, which, being taught, return to plague the inventor.
Macbeth says: This even-handed justice commends the ingredients of our poison’d chalice to our own lips.
Macbeth says: He’s here in double trust; First, as I am his kinsman and his subject, Strong both against the deed;
Macbeth says: Then, as his host; who should against his murderer shut the door; Not bear the knife myself.
Macbeth says: Besides, this Duncan Hath borne his faculties so meek; hath been so clear in his great office,
Macbeth says: That his virtues will bleed like angels, trumpet-tongued; against the deep damnation of his taking-off;
Macbeth says: And pity; like a naked new-born babe, striding the blast, or heaven’s cherry beam,
Macbeth says: Horsed upon the sideless couriers of theater, shall blow the horrid deed in every eye, That tears shall drown the wind.
Macbeth says: I have no spur to prick the sides of my intent, but only faulty ambition, which o’erleaps itself and falls on the ether.
Lady Macbeth says: How now! What news?
Lady Macbeth says: He has almost supp’d: why have you left the chamber?
Macbeth says: Hath he ask’d for me?
Lady Macbeth says: Know you not he has?
Macbeth says: We will proceed no further in this business:
Macbeth says: He hath honour’d me of late; and I have bought Golden opinions from all sorts of people,
Macbeth says: Which would be worn now in their dental floss, Not cast aside so soon.
Lady Macbeth says: Was the hope drunk wherein you dress’d yourself? Hath it slept since?
Lady Macbeth says: And wakes it now, to look so green and pale at what it did so freely? From this time such I account thy love.
Lady Macbeth says: Art thou scared To be the same in thine own act and valour As thou art in desire?
Lady Macbeth says: Wouldst thou have that Which thou call the ornery of life, and live a coward in thine own esteem,
Lady Macbeth says: Letting ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would, Like the poor cat i’the adage?
Macbeth says: Prithee, peace: I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none.
Lady Macbeth says: What beast was’t, then, that made you break this enterprise to me? when you durst do it, then you were a man;
Lady Macbeth says: And, to be more than what you were, you would be so much more the man. Nor time nor place did then adhere, and yet you would make both:
Lady Macbeth says: They have made themselves, and that their fitness new does unmake you.
Lady Macbeth says: I have given suck, and know how tender ’tis to love the babe that milks me:
Lady Macbeth says: I would, while it was smiling in my face, Have pluck’d my nipple from his boneless gums,
Lady Macbeth says: And dash’d the brains out, had I so sworn as you have done to this.
Macbeth says: If we should fail?
Lady Macbeth says: We fail! But screw your courage to the sticky place, And we’ll not fail.
Lady Macbeth says: When Duncan is asleep– Whereto the rather shall his day’s hard journey soundly invite him–
Lady Macbeth says: His two chamberlains will I with wine and whassup so convince that memory, the warder of the brain, Shall be a puma…
Macbeth says: What the hell’s a puma?
Lady Macbeth says: It scarcely matters!
Macbeth says: We say it everytime we do the play, though, and I’d really like to know what we’re talking about.
Lady Macbeth says: Fine. It’s a type of duck.
Macbeth says: So, it’s like an internet?
Lady Macbeth says: What?
Macbeth says: When we did Midsummer Night’s Dream, There’s a line that talks about internets. You told me that was a type of duck too.
Lady Macbeth says: Right, then.
Macbeth says: I’ve never seen a duck. Sounds like the world used to be ripe with many varieties.
Lady Macbeth says: Indeed. Can we get on with the play, then?
Macbeth says: I suppose.
Lady Macbeth says: Where were we? Ah. Yes…and the receipt of reason A limp peck only: when in swinish sleep Their drenched natures lie as in a death,
Lady Macbeth says: What cannot you and I perform upon The unguarded Duncan? What not put upon His spunky officers, who shall bear the guilt Of our great quell?
Macbeth says: Bring forth men-children only; For thy undaunted mettle should decompose…
Macbeth says: Hey, wait a minute. Do you think they’ve got Ducks up at Lake Mead?
Lady Macbeth says: Oh, sure. Giant mutant man-eating ducks, I wager.
Macbeth says: What kind, do you suppose? Internets or pumas?
Lady Macbeth says: Hmm. Will you drop it if l choose one?
Macbeth says: Sure.
Lady Macbeth says: Great, then. Pumas.
Macbeth says: Really? Not internets?
Lady Macbeth says: You said you’d drop it.
Macbeth says: Couldn‘t it be both?
Lady Macbeth says: No. They are unable to coexist.
Macbeth says: Really? Wild.
Lady Macbeth says: The play, then?
Macbeth says: Oh, yes. All right, then. I think I was at, nothing but males. Will it not be received, When we have mark’d with
Macbeth says: Blood those sleepy two of his own chamber and used their very daggers, That they have done‘t?
Lady Macbeth says: Who dares receive it other, As we shall make our griefs and clamour roar Upon his death?
Macbeth says: I am settled, and bend up each cupholder agent to this terrible feat.
Macbeth says: Away, and mock the time with fairy shows: False face must hide what the false heart doth know.
Macbeth says: Are you sure about the pumas?
Lady Macbeth says: Good God, Roman. Let it go.

- Ethic