It’s that time again. Maybe everything else I write is nonsense that no one reads, but our results show that you love to see how people get here. So do we!
This time, I am skipping questions covered previously. Yes, people are still looking for Istvaan Shogaatsu, sharding purples, and tips about Dungeon Runners and The Lord of the Rings Online™: Shadows of Angmar™. I will not distract them from the proper threads.
Before we hide potentially naughty bits beneath the break, I will note that someone must be messing with us on the whole “atitd cybercat” issue. We get about 5 hits a day for that, all from returning users. I am beginning to suspect my fellow rathunters, who know how this question torments me.
“Sex” is of course near the top, but those folks barely stayed to read a page. It is my own fault that draenei hentai is now up there, and dangit I hit our results again there. My apologies to folks looking for WoW tentacle porn (yeah, we’ll be getting hits from that now too, what is wrong with me?), but Google Analytics says they left within 7 seconds. Sorry, no pics, nor for the other WoW porn searches that reached us. Should we add WoW porn to accommodate all these people who come here looking for it?
To our “cybercat atitd” friends: are you also the ones seeking “zubon is my hero”? That is in the top 10 again, listed as “0.00% New Visits.” We love you anyway.
We have several variations explaining that the cake is a liar. I need to buy Portal.
“esso si que es”: Que es eso? Eso es queso! Actually, I know that commercial, and we got a variety of hits seeking it.
“gnome joke”: An orc, a tauren, and a blood elf walk into a bar. The gnome doesn’t even need to duck, he just walks right under it.
“how to make mmorpgs”: Yes, many developers are trying to figure that one out.
“most read message boards”: We have 43 registered users. I’m pretty sure that’s not us.
“naked women and dragons”: I understand why you want the first part, but why with dragons? Human sacrifice fantasies? Erotic use of spines? (I just messed up our search results again, didn’t I?)
“turbine bringing back ac2”: No, no they are not.
And now on to the searches that only reached us once. Yes, multiple people came here for each of those, including the various WoW porn searches I did not list.
[“city of heroes” missions with lava]: There are quite a few, but I recommend the Tyrant mission from Maria Jenkins. There is lava in the throne room, and you can park Statesman in it. With his resistances, Statesman takes 5 hp/tick from it, so he can gain health while sleeping in lava. I need that power.
[“i need a job”]: We’re all looking, friend.
[“men are helpless”]: No, just stupid. Maybe a little helpless.
Miscellaneous things with sex, unfunny game questions… It is reassuring that some of the searches are actually for things that we have titled posts.
“auto fishing for toontown”: Toontown has fishing?
“big whips in toontown”: Those too? Or should this have gone under the “misc. sex” category?
“biggest pottery ever”
One pair I must note: “blood elf clothing patch download” and “blood elf nude download”
And a trio: “city of heroes + naked girls,” “city of heroes bikini,” and “city of villains naked”
Wow, a whole mess of draenei hentai variations. At least there is nothing really scarring on the list.
“get to kill people in this sex games”: Again with the sex and the violence. Are people hitting your site looking for mean sex too? Or is it just us? I have at least a dozen variations on that. I understand why, given the name of our site, but why would you click the link to get here? Here? Did anything imply this was the right place? Some of these are pretty upsetting.
“ghost town made out of popsicle sticks”: I imagine people left because it was made out of popsicle sticks. Not a lot of room in those houses, and everything smells like grape popsicles. Or did the ghosts shrink it to that size? Maybe the ghosts made themselves a town and, because they are incorporeal and do not need much space, just made little houses from popsicle sticks.
Wait, it’s Halloween. Someone was probably looking for holiday decoration ideas. Nevermind.
“how many towns are there in dungeon runner”: One. Just Townston. The dungeons have their waiting rooms, like the newbie merchant area where you start, but Townston is the town. Yes, that surprises most people.
“i can’t please everyone”: Or anyone, really. It’s a tough world out there.
“idiots4hire”: And they found us.
“illusion kinetics epic”: I went for the psychic set for Indomitable Will and Mind Over Body. Sightblinder is several Character Contemplations down the line.
“is 10k gold worth less”: No, it is worth more.
“is lotro hard?”: No, although there are levels where soloing is not easy.
“is minions of mirth safe for a child”: Any advice, rat-hunters? I have never played it.
“issue 11 blasters defiance changes”: Those have been sent back to be reworked. They might go with something like the latest plan, but it will require new animations. That was plan being able to shoot a bit while held. Maybe they’ll go with something else. I can see Energy Blasters using eye beams on their enemies, but will archers shoot arrows from their eyes? And if it works for the Blasters, why can’t people who actually have eye beam powers use them while held? Meh, we’ll see when a version hits test again.
“katana/super reflexes scrapper”: Character Contemplations 6, coming soon. Not a bad character, but you will probably prefer Broad Sword/Regeneration.
“kill pony games”: If “kill naked women games” did not upset my wife, this will do it.
“lineage + elf + naked”: Thank you. This is a nice change of pace from the WoW and violence searches. Please, readers seeking naked elves from other games, join us.
“lolphilosopher”: Kant has cheezburger.
I mentioned The Lord of the Rings Online™: Shadows of Angmar™ searches above. Are there a lot of bugs? We have many searches here about crashes, freezing, lag, and (my personal favorite) “lotro does it suck”
“neopets rikti”: This fascinates me. Have they added rikti monkeys to Neopets? They did not the last time I checked. That would be awesome. Do they attack puppies with psychic darts or something? Explode into clouds of toxic gas? I heard that Neopets was cashing in on the achievers, but this takes things in a whole new direction. Neopets: slowly becoming a full-featured MMORPG, starting with non-combat pets.
Conveniently, “naked,” “night elf,” and “nude” are close together in the alphabet, so we can skim through that page of searches.
“nge isnt all bad”: Really? I suppose it cannot be all bad, but I have never heard that contention before. This combines well with the later searches “swg before and after nge” and “swg now sux.” Same guy?
“possible to crush your skull with your bare hands”: Give it a shot, leave a message in the comments if that works.
“raccoon furry porn”: I so want to know if this hit the Earth Eternal posts.
“sex that might kill you”: This reverses the earlier searches. So, reader, explain this one to me: why did you think to include rat-hunting in that experience? Is that a normal part of your sex life? You were looking for risky sex and thought, “Yes, of course! Rats! Why hadn’t I thought of that before?!”
“someone go and everybody are geuse where is he going”
“super hero games you can play online”: May I recommend City of Heroes and City of Villains? There are links to the right.
“the first time i had sex my period was a lot heavier is that ok”: That doesn’t sound serious. Expect some month-to-month variation anyway.
“to much sex can kill you”: Technically, but our readers are willing to risk it.
“trick or treat punchline”: Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupti- Moo!
“trip mines pvp”: You will also want Teleport Foe to make them really shine.
“what the hell does mmorpg stand for”: Massive Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game
October seems to have been a big month for sex. Tune in next month, to see what sorts of porn people were trying to find at Kill Ten Rats, with the possibility of a few on-topic searches.