Internet Toughguy

Regarding recent so-called “player-versus-player” activity:

While you may have technically gotten a “kill” from me, I would like to point out that I was lagging at the time, and possibly AFK and/or typing a message to someone. I should further note that, even under these imbalanced conditions, you felt it necessary to bring several of your “friends” with you, as you could not do this on your own. I believe that your availing yourself of this further exploit demonstrates the fundamental weakness of your character and that of all the players on your team.

I might go on to note that you are, in fact, lame, and most likely homosexual in a derogatory sense. This is demonstrated by your number of kills, which indicates either that you are a new player below my consideration or someone who spends far too much time playing and only accumulates such a body count through wasting endless hours in an unskillful manner. In either case, your lack of ability is clearly demonstrated in this instance. I feel it incumbent upon me to point out the superiority of my genitals to yours, and upon further investigation, I have some observations to make upon your mother’s.

I find it entirely inappropriate for you to be carrying on in this manner about what is, to one of my wisdom and experience, a minor affair that should surely have been dismissed by now. Your inability to admit your error in this circumstance further demonstrates your personal failings, and by association those of the other members of your team. Not, I should hasten to add, that the other players on my team are any better, as I constantly need to carry them through my Herculean efforts. At any rate, I have not heard either of your previous comments, as I already have you on ignore, because you clearly have nothing further of value to add to this discussion of your personal shortcomings. Surely, you would be too cowardly to say such things if you were within my grasp, instead of hidden safely behind your monitor. We shall add this posturing to your list of deficiencies.

In summary, if I may re-iterate, your mother. Yours in fellowship,

: Zubon

27 thoughts on “Internet Toughguy”

  1. I will be forwarding you the cleaning bill and/or replacement cost of a new monitor, as my current one is now covered in tea. I trust you will take care of the invoice expediently, as a true gentleman.

  2. “most likely homosexual in a deragatory sense”

    Ummm, what? Cute article, but what do you mean by this statement? That being a homosexual is bad thing?

    You need to reconsider your words here because that’s pretty offensive and I don’t think that you want to be like that.

    1. I am thinking you didn’t get the “voice” of this article. Go play Modern Warfare 2 with a grouping of random people on console with voice chat full functional, and you should be good as rain.

      1. While the article/letter is funny, this is the exact kind of language I point out to everyone I encounter. It’s not cute or funny or clever – even in satire, considering – to use this kind of language. Using an integral part of someone’s being as derogatory is mega-offensive.

        Cheers, though.

        1. If you want to make fun of someone’s homophobic tendencies, how can you possibly do that without referencing their homophobia? Answer: you cannot.

  3. Actually maybe it’s not satire. I don’t know what to call it. It is awesome though!

  4. This is satire. If the fact that he mentioned no specifics or even which game he was referencing didn’t clue you in, then you really need some help with reading comprehension IMO.

    1. Thank you Captain Obvious.

      (I always wanted to say that without being sarcastic.)

  5. Satire or not, discrimination is discrimination. Substitute, oh, any specific race or religion in for the word “homosexual” and it’s no longer satire, is it. I’m not sure when it became socially acceptable to take an entire subset of the population and use them as a derogatory example. Even using “homosexual” or “gay” as an insult automatically denigrates the entire group of people. Your points that this is satire have not been ignored, that’s not the issue. The issue is being aware that the words you choose actually affect people, and that we’re not all anonymous keyboard mashers.

    It’s the attitudes put forth not only in the intitial reference, but the rabid “it doesn’t mean anything” defense that continues to propagate the words “gay” and “fag” with negative connotations in our video games and online culture. We’re just asking you to think about it, and be a trifle more aware.

    1. As a matter of fact, were he to have used any racial, religious or other stereotyped group aside from homosexuals, it would STILL have been satire. Or more accurately satirical parody.
      The reason he chose homosexuals rather than the others was due to the rampant gay-bashing that occurs among PvP-oriented juvenile (and mid-life crisis) males in MMOs/FPS/competetive-gaming/sporting-of-your-choosing. As it is amazingly difficult (or impossible if you prefer) to mock a bigot without referencing their bigotry, the “erudite snob” version of “ur a fgt” is not only acceptable in context, but actually required for the satire to work.

      Wiki has this to say (and pay special attention to the last sentence):
      “Satire is often strictly defined as a literary genre or form, although in practice it is also found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, human or individual vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings are held up to censure by means of ridicule, derision, burlesque, irony, or other methods, ideally with the intent to bring about improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be funny, the purpose of satire is not primarily humour in itself so much as an attack on something of which the author strongly disapproves, using the weapon of wit.
      A very common, almost defining feature of satire is its strong vein of irony or sarcasm, but parody, burlesque, exaggeration, juxtaposition, comparison, analogy, and double entendre are all frequently used in satirical speech and writing. The essential point, however, is that “in satire, irony is militant.”[2] This “militant irony” (or sarcasm) often professes to approve (or at least accept as natural) the very things the satirist actually wishes to attack.

  6. So to clarify, Zubon, myself and RBK discussed this topic off line for a bit. We expressed our concerns, Zubon expressed his reasoning, and I think we’ve all kissed and made up at this point. I love that part of a squabble.

    Listen, I can be sensitive at times. It’s part of what comes with the territory. I called out something that I thought was offensive, then emailed Zubon personally to discuss it. In the end, I think we both have valid points… but it’s interesting about us liberal types. We can agree on something and still find something to quibble about.

  7. Completely agree with Big Red Kitty. Satire isn’t funny when it comes to discrimination. Any more than the rape jokes at a comedy bar I heard tonight were funny. It’s disrespectful, and it should go away – regardless if it is satire or a joke.

    1. @cuppycake said: “Satire isn’t funny when it comes to discrimination.”

      I think you need to go back up the thread a bit and read Kio’s comment, because it appears you don’t actually understand what satire is and how’s it’s used. While it’s true that comedy and satire go hand-in-hand much of the time, satire as a genre is not inherently a comedic form. It’s simply the use of verbal irony or sarcasm to denounce and ridicule “human folly or vice.”

      Indeed one could argue that satire can be an even more effective tool than direct discourse when criticising something like discrimination.

      Also your “rape jokes at a comedy bar” comment is a false analogy at best. Not only is it an inappropriate comparison to what’s being discussed, it’s thoughtless and smacks “any talk of these bad things is bad.”

      @cuppycake said: “It’s disrespectful, and it should go away – regardless if it is satire or a joke.”

      Once again I can’t tell if you didn’t read Zubon’s post, didn’t understand it, or are just jumping on the bandwagon, argumentum ad populum.

  8. Hmm. I read it as Zubon making fun of those who use discriminatory slurs by using parody. I’m sorry Cuppy, I don’t see how the post equates to your unfortunate experience at the comedy bar, unless the comedian was making fun of those who do tell rape jokes by lampooning them.

    Zubon was making fun of that comedian, and the short-sighted low-lifed pathetic individuals like him, with whom we are all burdened to have to share our online gaming experience with. He’s chosen the use of satire to shine a spotlight on a real problem — as evidenced by the lively comments here.

    My 2 cents. I thought it was pretty darn funny.

  9. And what game are we talking about here anyway? If it’s EVE, you better get used to it.

  10. I think Zubon forgot to point out how his communicating much of his argument via capital letters over the in-game communication system stressed both his earnestness and the absolute correctness of his position vis-a-vis his cowardly opponent.

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