[GW2] HoT Ultimate Limerick Contest

ArenaNet rocking down to the launch of the Guild Wars 2 expansion Heart of Thorns at midnight (Pacific) tonight decided to hand me a code for the Ultimate Edition. The Ultimate Edition gives access to all the upcoming Heart of Thorns content as well as 4,000 gems, another character slot, and a bunch of other goodies.

Well, I decided, having just re-read the Kingkiller Chronicle that limericks are fun and underused in our day-to-day musings. A contest with them would be a fun and necessary thing.

So you can enter once, and each entry costs a limerick from your mind about ArenaNet or Guild Wars 2. No personal attacks or other such nonsense. Please be sure to have an email I can use to contact you in the comment. I will randomly select a winner for the code, and to sweeten the pot. Second place will get a Shadow Sword skin for their revenant. Third place will get a Daydreamer’s Shield skin. A Guild Wars 2 account is required for each winning.

Colin’s smile was like a fable
He spread it across the lands as he was able
He thought it untoward
to swing another sword
But, you know, nothing is off the table

Good Luck!


EDIT: I forgot to say. I will pick the winner when I wake up tomorrow (10/23/15). I am guessing around 4-5 AM Pacific.

EDIT: Mach Dice has randomly spoken. Congrats to Vlupius (HoT Ult), Ithurien, and Jacob!

24 thoughts on “[GW2] HoT Ultimate Limerick Contest”

  1. A young Asura of no renown
    Had goals not to be held down
    He took to the skies
    and with birds now flies
    On his face never a frown

    1. (I know it’s only a single entry, but the story continues…)

      This Asura of naught left the ground
      His glider made not a sound
      A downward gaze made
      He became afraid
      To a crash his course was bound

      1. Towards the earth he quickly sailed
        The future was no longer veiled
        Oh how he was remiss
        The training to dismiss
        In Glider Mastery he failed


  2. There once was an artisan from Claypool
    Who acted one day like a fool.
    He chugged an infinite tonic
    And transformed – quite ironic –
    From a carpenter into a stool!

  3. There once was a Norn called Devere
    Who admitted that he had one great fear
    “I can fight ALL the grawl
    Or a Dredge dungeon crawl
    But I can’t stand a moot without beer!”

  4. We all know the name of this game
    That has gained a lot of fame
    When it announced its expansion
    It received our full attention
    Guild Wars 2: Heart of Thorns is its name.

  5. There once was a priest in Divinity’s Reach,
    His job everyday? About his god to preach!
    But adventurers would beg,
    For Swiftness of leg,
    Of poor Melandru he didn’t get to teach!

  6. A Sylvari ranger from Caledon
    Wanted a pet he could ride upon.
    “By the roots of my hair,
    That’s no JUVENILE bear!”
    And now his posterior is a lawn.

  7. I can hear the foul dragon’s call
    but my mind is too strong to fall
    I’ll ask pardon from Mother
    To cut down my brothers
    I’ll die rather than be a thrall

  8. There was an Asura of stature
    He said to the dragons “im comin atcha”
    He picked up his bow
    And what do ya know
    He killed Zhaitan with just a number.

  9. There once was a human necro
    Who wished she could summon a crow
    She found Nevermore
    A staff worthy of war
    But realised it was a raven – doh!

  10. I used to be weak and rejected
    The dungeon hate on me projected
    But pick up a sword
    And minion horde
    As Reaper I will be respected!

  11. The egg of the dragon named Glint,
    In deserts where we’d have to squint,
    Led a merry chase
    From the new Pact base.
    Now off to the jungle we sprint.

    1. Thought up a more accurate one:

      Atop the head of the Mad King Thorn
      Sits no hair, though that’s not what was shorn.
      Despite losing his head
      He is back from the dead
      Bringing with bad jokes and candy corn.

  12. While sylvari turned bad cause despair,
    There’s a reason it’s easy to bear.
    It’s pretext to burn
    The annoying Trahearne.
    Whether he’s evil or not, I don’t care.

    (Apologies if this shows up twice, I got an error when posting it the first time.)

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