Recent Searches

The popular monthly feature returns! Previously

Traffic was up in November. You tolerate us, you really really tolerate us! Our most popular post of the month was me! Drinks for everyone at the Kill Ten Rats Tiki Bar! (The post had links from a couple of other sites.) The other big winner of the month is, as always, the 2005 post on the end of Asheron’s Call 2. “Recent Searches” for November was #4, woo!

Okay, let’s hide your dirty thoughts below the fold. Not that I have seen them yet, but you know how you are.

Oh lord. I just clicked the list. I am to blame here. We have three rat-related in the top ten, but #2, beating out “killtenrats,” is “draenei hentai.” And now I just bumped it up in our Google searches again. Why, why do I do this? I should find some just so I have links for so many of our visitors.

Cybercat keeps his slot near the top, followed by 74 hits from “lightsaber-wielding lesbian mermaid slave.” That’s mine again. I just checked Google, and even with Safesurf turned off, we are the only hit for that search. Kill Ten Rats: #1 in lightsaber-wielding lesbian mermaid slaves!

51 hits from [beach each to each lolcat], another 17 from [i can has backpart? i can has peach?] plus more hidden in the less common searches. We love lolcat Prufrock.

Istvaan Shogaatsu and the Guiding Hand Social Club are returning champions. Tabula Rasa and City of Heroes Issue 11 were popular on-topic searches. Greetings to my fellow badge whores! Is there something we all should know about two heads’ being better than one in Tabula Rasa?

Wait, you’re not here for the on-topic stuff, are you? Okay, let’s start looking for the freakshow.

We have two more versions of draenei porn in the top 50, plus [blood elf and draenei nude patch]. I suppose that would give you the lithe anime girls to go with the brutish tentacle monsters. Well played. And four more Burning Crusade porn searches in the top 100. Blizzard, I’m telling you, there is a huge market here for a single-player game based on the Outlands, one that can be played one-handed.

Another 8 naked Burning Crusade searches each with two hits. [city of heroes hentai], that’s a new one for me.

[killing naked people game] and several variations: I can see how we got all those words together, but I am not Googling to see what the real thing is they were looking for.

[pooning noobs]: l2spell n00b

[“second life” pointless]: Like First Life has a point.

Okay, now we are to the single hits. These are what you have been waiting for. One dude ran these searches and thought, “Kill Ten Rats, that sounds like what I am looking for.” Are you ready? Hold me, I’m scared.

Running total of WoW porn one hit wonders: 49. The searches for Tauren porn were unexpected, although perhaps they should not have been. A special shout out to [worldofwarcraft nood draenei nightelf girls naked nood], because misspelling “nude” twice is the way to make your search results extra special.

[“largest blog readership”]: Yes, that’s us! <_ < [10 ways i could play with myself]: There are literally thousands of single-player games! [2 paragraph how people misjudge ogres]: Interestingly, I don't think he means "online." [a shirt for the people who are still alive]: We rarely try to sell shirts to anyone else. [a tale in the desert 4]: Still a ways off, but give the Third Telling a shot. You get 24 hours of free trial time every Tale! (Not funny, just sayin'.) [ac2 hentai pics]: They shut down the naked server, too. [activities that affect the world]: Those range from using a shovel to thermonuclear war. Can you narrow that one down a bit, captain? [afking mmorpg]: Sword of the New World. I will write a review sometime. [as long as there is demand their is supply pirated]: No, I really cannot help you. Maybe you were looking for illegal file sharing? What strikes me is that you used "there" properly one, then "their" improperly three words later. [barbie furry friends online]: I assume that is family friendly, no matter how it sounds. [beastmaster jug pets]: They gets jugs at pets? Awesome! Oh, he probably means juggernauts, but I like the idea of battle jugs. "Canteen-achu, I choose you!" [best build for corrupters]: Ice Blast/Kinetics. [best myspace about me ever]: How many MySpaces are there about you? [blaster + enhancement diversification]: It hurt! We rely on damage to stay alive! Oh well, the next search was for [blaster defiance change], which is rather nice. [can i play dungeon runners offline]: No. [can rats kill people]: Yes. [can rats kill you]: Yes, that includes you. [cock pumping]: This person did not stay on the site long. I am not shocked. [coh fabricator badge potion]: You got a potion? Seriously? When did those get added to the game? [d&d "players dying"]: Literally? I thought killing characters was harsh, but players face permadeath. Now THAT is a hardcore game. [dose elves have a ghost]: Yes, but in 2nd Edition they tended to become banshees. Passing through the Ds, the Draenei fans are getting more creative this month. [dungeon runners reset instance]: Right-click your name and select it. [economically useless bitch]: Anyone in particular, or will any do? Or maybe that is an academic trying to be hip. "You're economically useless, bi-yatch." [examples of dramatic irony from nancy drew]: Creativity points have been awarded. [explore badge ouroboros]: It's on top of the big tower. You can just run up the wire that is behind you when you enter the zone. [fulcrum shift slotting]: Two accuracy, three recharge. If you are using IOs, you could cut that to one accuracy and two recharge, but I like the extra recharge just because I need Fulcrum Shift now. [gallente females breasts]: Because Caldari porn is just not good enough. [gamer chicks dating]: Hook me up, bro. Seriously, who doesn't love gamer girls? [gotten sex]: So how was this search supposed to help you? Were you looking for a list of people who had, then you planned to ask them how that went? Checking to see if your new partner is on the "last 30 days" list? Anyway, our comprehensive list of who has gotten sex is password-protected, so a simple search will not get you in. [horizons mmorpg what went wrong]: How much time do you have? [how do rats have sex?]: With draenei? [how do u type extra letters in ffxi]: Just add them onto the end. ffxihasdfjkl. Also, searching for the letter "u" will not narrow your results much, just a tip. [i can get past authenticating in world of warcraft]: Good for you. [i forgot my pants in spanish]: I expect that he wants a translation, but I like the ambiguity of "in." [i love ponies on nintendo ds]: Ponies! We all love ponies! [is there a reason to kill someone who stole from you]: In-game, go for it. Out-of-game, that is discouraged. [is wow too hard to solo]: No. No, it really is not. [kill pony game]: No! We all love ponies! [lord please kill me]: Check. Just give me a few moments, and everything will be arranged. Can you move about three feet to the left? I can't get a clean shot from here. [men stupid]: women dumb [monster that kills gandalf]: In one sense, Balrog. In another, not so much. [my dad bought me a commodore 64- game console]: Recently? Was he thinking about getting an Atari, too? I have an old Nintendo system you can borrow, it's okay. [no grind mmo]: No. [nude patch minions of mirth]: Are you trying to mess up my WoW porn count? What is this doing here? [nwn is terrible, crap boring and too hard]: If you feel that way, I recommend not buying it. There are many competing products. You don't need to search for supporting opinions, just move on with your life. [pirates of naked girls]: Looking for booty? [pure group sex]: The impure kind is to be avoided. We're more of a group BLOG, although I can see how you'd make that mistake. [rat marry who are]: there guy they is [recent searches on google]: We are getting dangerously recursive. [receptionist games]: Do you play as a receptionist, something like those restaurant games only you are juggling callers and such? Are is this a search for something for bored receptionists to do? Sudoku can be diverting. [there are, however, an unfortunately large number of people who fail to see the magnitude of hitler’s peace efforts]: No, the magnitude of those efforts seems quite clear. Perhaps that word does not mean what you think it means? It would have been even more fun if you had been looking for the "enormity" of Hitler's peace efforts, which also does not mean what you want it to. [thoughts blood elf appearance]: The most common thought seems to be, "How can I see them naked?" [toontown sex]: You have so missed the point. [vanguard boobies]: This is perhaps the best measure of game popularity I have: the respective porn searches for each. Wow has more than 100 each month, Vanguard has one ever. [where did the japanese word zubon come from?]: Portuguese, with French influence. There seems to be some debate on that point. [why is nancy drew still popular]: They keep updating her. The original Nancy Drew books have been repeatedly updated in an attempt to keep them relevant to a modern audience. Also, see Veronica Mars. [your balls bitch you are a an ass hlr]: "hlr"? Until next month, keep playing, and enjoy your draenei. : Zubon

18 thoughts on “Recent Searches”

  1. Heh, always fun to see the different searches that pop up…

    >beastmaster jug pets

    This is actually a quite reasonable search, if you play the BeastMaster class in Final Fantasy XI. You can craft consumables (jugs) that can summon various types of pets for a limited period of time.

  2. oh good because I thought it was like Jugs the magazine, but for furries.

    I have to take a shower now

  3. […[is wow too hard to solo]: No. No, it really is not…]

    If you have to ask.. then it probably is.

    […[pure group sex]: The impure kind is to be avoided. We’re more of a group blog, although I can see how you’d make that mistake….]

    We are a group of men who like to play with each other online. Got a problem with that!?

  4. The Hitler quote is from the letter Erik Brandt wrote to nominate Hitler for the Nobel Peace Prize in ’39. This was actually sarcasm meant to protest the nomination of Chamberlain. His argument was basically if Chamberlain could be nominated, then why not go directly to the source and nominate Hitler instead, because after all it was Hitler who decided not to start a war.

    A lot of people miss out that it was supposed to be in protest and some people think Hitler was actually nominated for real reasons.

    I just found a translation somewhere but our internet is dying right now. But it shouldn’t be hard to find it was pretty funny.

  5. We should just drop all that pretending that we’re here for the art and just go ahead and make “Sex Online”. It’d sell tons.

  6. I did close that italics tag. I just edited it back in 20 times, and WordPress keeps deleting it every time I save. I switched it to bold, and it remove the closing tag. I removed it entirely, and it pulled the closing tag off a link. I need to stab someone at their offices.

  7. Someone needs to delete their freaking cookies so google will stop indexing them as searching for me and a game I never played :p

  8. Regarding the pony search; that PC game I’ve seen for kids : Pippa Funnell 2 : Take the Reins .

    I mean, okay, it appears to be about horse training, but come on. Wannabe bad porn title…

  9. I <3 my Ice/Kin corruptor.

    After my exams are done I've got to put a few minutes into trying to find KTR through strange and unlikely phrases. Shouldn't be difficult. We've got a large and suspect collective vocabulary.

    Edit: The answer just came to me. Restring phrases from the 'Recent Searches' posts.

  10. I’m going to start using some really far out and unrelated words and topics in my posts to see what kind of other strange traffic we can pull in here. Let’s see….

    Tootsie Roll
    Chinese Toys
    Led Zepplin
    Mork & Mindy
    Bum rush
    Scarlet badger
    Wonder Twins
    Where’s the beef?

  11. May I suggest a few more:

    In like Flynn
    Furry Fury
    Universal Toilet
    America’s Funniest Bluescreens
    Avenging Beaver
    Mac & Cheese
    Space Zombie
    Ebola for men

  12. “Avenging Beaver”

    That would be the level 70 female blood elf paladin class skill, yes?

    Sadly though, I believe it still causes the 1 minute forebearance. And by then most WoW players have lost interest.

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