Darkfail: Critic Response

The word “schadenfreude” referrs to the guilty pleasure of watching other people fail.   It’s like watching the Angry Video Game Nerd play Superman 64.

Today’s dose of schadenfreude comes from reading Eurogamer’s review of Darkfall.  Eurogamer isn’t known for being the harshest reviewers in the biz.  Dofus and and Conan both earned 8 out of 10 by their estimation.  Even Pirates of the Burning Sea, which they describe as “broken” and “disjointed”, can get by with six-thumbs-up out of 10.  So how did Darkfall Online fair?  It got just 2 out of 10.

Here’s some quotes from the review that had me laughing:

“Enemies’ AI boils down to running in circles, which is actually surprisingly effective, considering how slow and floaty the controls tend to be.”

“Not even old-school EverQuest – which was actually graphically superior- felt quite as stiflingly slow and ponderous in its levelling curve.”

“It doesn’t even have the basic features that make up even the most lackluster and dull cookie-cutter MMOs”

“Underneath the lack of originality, there’s a hole where the game should be: a loose, incongruous mess of bad controls, horrible user interface, and broken combat system.”

“Even if you were so inclined to take part in this painful experience, it’s rather difficult to actually buy it.”

“It’s the emperor’s new clothes of 2009: such a marvellous game that only an idiot wouldn’t realise the beauty of the gaping holes in its content, its wonky control system, and its seemingly decade-old engine”

Darkfail: The Community

When I’m at work, supposedly working, I often read the Darkfall forums.  I don’t play Darkfall, and I hope I never do, but I love their forums.  I have a kind of sick sense of humor.   I enjoy reading the cries of disappointed new players.  I love hearing how broken and empty a game Darkfall is despite having launched their website eight years ago.

Today, I want to show-case their player base.  This is a post on their forum:


You are lucky I haven’t had the window to purchase this game. When I do, you will all be dead. griefed. raped. empty. soul and bag.

I came from darktide, when there was no rules. you entered a portal to farm levels, you died. over and over. my ua/melee/missle spec’ed tank ripped your ass up. over and over. you ran the field, you saw me, i raped you as you ran, pott’ed, didnt help, you knew you were dead. Tank Abbott gave you nightmares.

I love the amount of people here. Lots of farmers/EU’s/noobs. You are mine for the pillaging.

Be warned. All your everything belongs to me.


The responses to this post included such delightful comments as, “Go back to WoW” and “I raped your mom while you were in diapers”

It’s True!

I am not hardcore enough for Darkfall Online.

Then again, I wasn’t hardcore enough for Everquest the second (or, as those of us in the know liked to call it, EQ’s sequel) because I thought that sitting around for 3 hours for a quest spawn was just a little bit of a waste of my time. Not that it didn’t stop me doing that in Star Wars: Galaxies I hasten to add. That damned Corellian Corvette on the Master Pilot mission was mine several times.

But Darkfall Online? No – definitely not hardcore enough.

I’d QQ more but, honestly, first I’m just gonna have to go right ahead and start caring.
Continue reading It’s True!